How the Catholic Church Led Me Into Paganism
Legacy of the Witchblood, Magical Perception, Occultism and the Arts Add comments
How the Devil Got My Soul
I grew up in religious Catholic family with a long history of Jesuits and nuns, but I was never Confirmed.
The Bishop did not deign to come to our one-horse-town but once every twenty years, even though 90% of its tiny population were French and Irish Catholics. What that meant was that, when he finally did show up, we were all teenagers and able to think for ourselves.
“When you go up to the Bishop, he’s going to slap your face, and then you have to kiss his ring,” said my mother.
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“What for?”
“Obedience!”
My mother’s favorite word….
Well, I had a major Aquarius attack! There was no way somebody was going to slap my face and I was going to kiss his ring!
As all of my peers lined up to have their faces slapped, I skipped out of Confirmation.
Everyone came out from the church with these new middle names, mostly Bernadette and Paul. I would have chosen Francoise, for St. Francis of Assisi, because he loved animals. (I named myself anyway, and stuck to it until I realized that St. Francis had also taken a Vow of Poverty. When I was sick of being poor, I dropped it.)
Maybe that was how the Devil got my soul, and I became a Witch….
First Doubts
I:
As a child I had the measles. I remember having refreshing dreams of thrashing rivers and waters flowing. I must have been thirsty from fever. I decided, since I was confined to bed, that I would read the Bible from start to finish.
I could not reconcile “Peace on Earth, Good Will To Men” ( we were all Men in those days) with all the violence and treachery in the Bible.
“Ma, how come the Bible is so violent?”
“I don’t know. That’s the Old Testament.”
“So?”
“Your only supposed to read the New Testament.”
“Then why is the Old Testament in here?”
“Just because.” Pause. “Catholics aren’t supposed to read the Bible anyway.”
“Why not?”
“The priest is supposed to read it for you.”
I was disillusioned.
II:
When Vatican II happened, they took all the art out of the Church. Sculptures and paintings were now “graven images” and had to be removed. Decorations spoke of unfair wealth and pride. They threw out Latin and replaced it with English “for the people”. They started having “Folk Mass”. That meant church was turned into a coffee house where the son of the owner of the sleaziest bar between Leicester and Worcester was on the altar playing the guitar, and we were forced to sing along.
“Kumbaya, my Lord…” ewe!
Everything was ruined!
The original Catholic Church had given a creative girl, from a tiny podunk town in Massachusetts, exposure to the great art of Leonardo and Michelangelo, soaring music, a mysterious ancient language, incense, bells, sonorous chants, shining robes, elaborate magical rituals… Towering cathedrals, rich with carvings — some of them even Pagan — instilled a sense of the Divine. You were part of something wise and ancient, primal, reaching out through the shadows of history to take you into another world.
Wasn’t religion meant to inspire? To transfer you into the Divine realms? To show you the highest aspirations of the soul? Was Richie Hennessy and his guitar supposed to replace all of that? Kumbaya replace the Ave Maria?
III:
Because I had grown up listening to English folk music, I became aware that many so-called Christian ballads were much older than Christianity and originally told stories about Pagan rituals honoring Goddesses and Gods. My interest in the Child Ballads led to the discovery of Pagan rites such as the Abbots Bromley Horn Dance — still practiced in England — as is Cheese Rolling and the Hobby Horse. (They were rolling cheese down hill while I was living in England in the 21st century.) Ballads of Robin Hood seemed deeply ritualized, hinting at a lost spiritual tradition of the forest.
Folklore became a passion of mine. I traded the Bible for Greek and Roman mythology; the origins of Christmas really fascinated me. “The real color of Christmas is black…” said one of these books. Darkness and fire, gold and red shining in shadows…of course, the Holy Grail appeared to be Christian except that it was guarded by Ladies of the Lake, Sorceresses, and other Faeries…In fact the whole Arthurian Legend spoke to me about the liminal space between the Old Ways of Magic in the countryside, and the encroaching Christianity of the Royal Courts, hinting at the forces struggling against each other in the dark ages, that mirrored the struggle going on in me. Morgan LeFay was the great protector of the Old Way of Magic against the usurping Church, and she was the character I that held my interest most.
I was far more drawn to this Old Religion than I was to this Folk Mass Catholicism. I guess I was looking for a replacement for the Mystery I had lost.
Ceremonial Magic
As began to study the occult, beginning with my clairvoyance and the Tarot, and then moving on to mythology (I included the Bible in this category now) I came across writers who suggested that the old Catholic priests were really magicians and the old Catholic Mass was a magical ritual descended from Roman Paganism. It made sense to me since the Church started in Rome. I suppose it should always have been obvious except for the smokescreen of a certain guilty “goodness” that was always put forth, and the way that American Masses didn’t seem to have much power –they just seemed to be going through the motions while the congregation looked around at each other, slept, cried, sang off pitch, or looked as bored as I was.
I later found out that in France there were churches where the Transubstantiation took place, which means the Host and wine actually became the body and blood of Christ. How Gothic is that? What is that about?
The Holy Grail stories, with visions of Christ coming out of the Grail, were extremely powerful magical workings capable of taking the hero into Heaven while still in his living body. Contact with the Divine Blood transformed the seeker into a kind of demi-god. We prayed in church for Christ to wash our sins away in His blood.
We celebrated Pagan holidays, we had sublimated human sacrifice, we believed in resurrection from the dead — for wasn’t Lazarus raised from the dead by Jesus? Necromancy must have been perfectly acceptable then. We held fertility rituals using symbols of eggs, rabbits and trees.
Sacred Earth
I think I have shown how many of the seeds of my early choice of Paganism was logical given the underlying truth of Catholic tradition. My brother discovered this too and took a different Christian path — as if the Pagan past was a bad thing! I feel the opposite; it is a good thing. The Pagan elements helped me find my way home.
It is interesting to see how people can come to such different conclusions, no matter how close they are. I found my path because I carry the Witch Blood. My brother must not, but he couldn’t live in a manner he found hypocritical any more than I could.
It was a further revelation for me to visit Cathedrals in England and France where all of the great art is in place, as it has been for centuries. In France, church images are far more honest as to their roots. The aisles are lined with columns meant to represent trees in the forest — the first cathedrals. Green men, or men with asses ears peer out from the walls. Most, if not all Catholic churches in Europe are built on the site of ancient Goddess worship. This didn’t happen to erase or stamp down the old powers — oh no! The cathedrals were built there to absorb the old powers, and transform them to use in the Mass.
Spiritual power resides in the Earth aligned with the stars. You can’t get more Pagan than that!
Lourdes Grotto
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July 6th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
You would know by now that Catholism was just a way to get all of the people that Rome had conquered to become citizens… Combine a bunch and as much of their religions and tell them to be Roman citizens you must be a Catholic… Good way to control the populace…
Sometimes it is not the destination, but the journey…
By brother sounds like yours…………. LOL
July 7th, 2009 at 2:51 am
the insight with the columns that are trees is a really interesting insight, that makes me feel good.But the story with the priest slapping your face is really shocking. i also believe in the fact that the energy of the earth is deviated during the church rituals, but i also feel that this energy turns back on you cause it doesn t fit. my grand mother was a lot into church and in the end she had parkinson disease and i felt it was related. it s the crippling of the soul attacking the body. then you wonder why all those people that go to church are mostly miserable and i remember how people in church smelt like old clothes that don t get any air.it is like being buried alive.it is like churches make you sick but they put the fault on somebody else, so then you wither in that illusion, it s like going to the doctor who usually makes you sick. i m not really familiar with churches , but i remember having that thought when i saw all those people drinking and drugging in the stonehenge celebration. i think it is mad.but it is great to see past that illusion and to go to the roots instead of going into an antichrist type of thing which strengthens the prison.
July 7th, 2009 at 3:00 am
but then i guess it is also sometimes part of the circle until you find the middle way, the core of everything, and better have a sky as roof and a tree as seat. it is interesting though cause all these lies carry the truth despite of everything. so i have never really been against them, but by accepting their depravity you give yourself the chance to go deeper, back to the roots.
July 7th, 2009 at 3:23 am
and it is also funny how you can sit in the throne of your own heart and you ve got all those dances around you and people sing to make things grow and you still end up with people tht are like the ones you see on the windows of churches but they re alive and talk and also there s always new ones.as i said i m not into church but i asked myself questions and for example when they are against homosexuals and then all of a sudden it is ok, you feel that it is not about growing but eating verging on cannibalism. this is the only time i felt that they make it up as they go, that they lose the whole cause they get caught in their own laBYRINTH
July 7th, 2009 at 3:43 am
THE OSSUARY CHAPEL IN SEDLEC (CZ) IS MADE OF BONES OF MONKS THEY DID ALTARS CHANDELIERS COLUMNS WITH THEIR BONES, I THINK IT IS BECAUSE THEY DIDN T HAVE THE ROOM TO BURY THEM, AND YOU VE GOT IN ROME THE CAPUCHIN CHURCH BARBINI SQUARE WITH A CHILD GRIM REAPER, AND AND ALL SORTS OF BONY FURNITURE.mONKS ARE SPECIAL.
July 7th, 2009 at 3:48 am
I ALSO SENDS ME BACK TO THE CATACOMBS IN PARIS WHERE PEOPLE SILL HOLD PARTIES. IF YOU GO THERE WITHOUT A MAP OR SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU CAN GET LOST CAUSE IT IS A REAL LABYRINTH. AND YOU HAVE HOLES EVERYWHERE. BUT YOU VE GOT A PHALLUS SOMEWHERE STICKING OUT OT THE WALL THAT YOU HAVE TO TOUCH FOR GOOD LUCK. AND THAT SENDS ME BACK TO THE MONKS, THEY MAKE ME THINK OF THE UNDERGROUND WORLD OF THE CHURCH.
July 7th, 2009 at 4:24 am
AND ALSO THIS PICTURE OF THE VIRGIN MARY WITH THE CHILD, MAKES ME THINK THAT NOT MANY WOMEN ARE PRIESTS AT LEAST IN THE OPEN, CAUSE4 MOST OF EM FIND A OUTLET IN WITCHCRAFT FOR THE FREEDOM BUT ALSO BECAUSE IT IS ABOUT THE VIRGIN MARY OF OLD.THIS ALL GVETS SO TWISTED CAUSE THEN YOU VE GOT ALL THOSE STORIES WITH PRIEST HAVING SEX WITH LES ENFANTS DE CHOEUR(HEART CHILDREN). ITS LIKE THE PRIEST HAS LOST TOUCH WITH THE LAND AND THE VIRGIN AND IT BRINGS ABOUT ALL THOSE DEFORMITIES.THERE ARE PROBABLY AS MANY PEOPLE AS THERE ARE CHURCHES. AND THEN AGAIN I CAN T HELP THINKING ABOUT GILLES DE RAIS AND JEANNE D ARC.SHE WAS SEEN AS A VIRGIN BUT ALSO A LESBIAN , SOMETIMES WHORE, BEHAVING LIKE A MALE, AND THEN YOU VE GOT GILLES E RAIS ON THE OTHER SIDE KILLING EATING AND HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH BOYS, TO RECAPTURE IS CHILD LIKE WONDER. AND FOR ME THE CHURCH REALLY SHOWS THIS SEPERATION BETWEEN MOTHER AND CHILD AND THE DISSEMINATION AND WASTE OF CREATIVE ENERGIES>
July 7th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Very interesting…being French you would have a deeper sense of these things than I could being in America where nothing is that old except among the Native people.
I almost went into the catacombs in Paris, but my time limited and I had my suitcase. They didn’t have place to store it for me and I couldn’t bring it down. I am sorry I missed it even though it is probably really creepy. But I wanted for my Vampire novel to see if I cold use the experience of it.
As I say, the Church had a lot of good things about it when I was small, but it lost its mojo in the 1960′s. I can’t remember the date of Vatican II but it was then.
July 7th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
I find your ideas above interesting but from a point of view different than you might expect. As a teacher I see how someone who teaches in a particular way can “turn someone off” when it comes to learning or studying history or studying mathematics or any subject. I see some of the same elements here.
You say you grew up in a religious Catholic family but it sounds like the encounters you had were anything but Catholic. Your mother apparently did not understand her religion very well or she just didn’t think it important enough to answer a kid’s questions. I’m am not sure the reason and do not want to be judgmental but she should have tried to answer your questions and those reasibs I give above are two possible reasons. Is the fact that you are not Catholic partly do to this. Just like a student who has a poor biology teacher is unlikely to ever get a PhD in biology; you seemed to have someone who failed you in teaching you about the faith.
Another thing I observe with students (and people in general) is their ability to see things that support what they choose to believe even though the evidence does not really (if investigated in more detail) support their misperceptions. There are many statements made above that are just not true.
One example — you say that the Church began in Rome. This is NOT true. The Church began at the Last Supper when the apostles were commisioned to “do this in memory of me”. This did not happen in Rome.
Another — Transubstantiation occurs in ALL Catholic Churches not just some of those in France.
Another — the columns in those cathedrals might be meant to hold up the ceiling. It has been found that not having column support results in a pile of rubble (I am not trying to be mean or to disrespect you). I don’t think the the people who designed city halls, warehouses, manufacturing buildings, etc. were trying to create the effect of having a forest in the building when they put those magical columns in.
I do thank you for your article because it reminds me that when I teach I need to be careful to be more supportive of my students as they learn so they will not become negative about my courses simply because of how I present it.
Also, I think it is good that you found something that fulfills the spiritual aspects of your life.
July 7th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Thanks for your thoughts Stefan. My mother is just like that. That is how she is; she wasn’t a very good mother.
The religion that a family hands down to their children, is the one that was handed down to them, don’t you think?
We were not formerly taught in the family, and the lessons at Catechism were unrealistic. We were admonished to be self sacrificing when we were children from rather poor families who had nothing to sacrifice. Believe me, it messes you up when left in the vague and generalized terms
that these housewives taught us with.
My father’s side of the family was steeped in Maryology. Virgin Mary was all over the house. I guess my point is that, having met converted Catholics who have studied the religion as something really outside of themselves, I notice their take on Catholicism is much more ordered, dogmatic, and inspired. As a person who comes from a family steeped in it since the Middle Ages, I saw every family worshipping within the same FORM, but the contents were their own interpretation.
Since I am not a Christian, ie: I do not believe that Jesus Christ is God, I think the Church started in Rome as an extension of the Roman Empire.
July 7th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
Alex,
Do you know about Margaret Murray’s thesis that Jeanne D’Arc and Gilles D’Rais were witches? That they were both sacrificed “Gods”?
her work had been discredited, but there is something stirring about her ideas.
I wonder how Jeanne’ sexuality can be decided 500 years after her death at 19 years old? It appears she could have been a lesbian, she was probably a virgin, but she was also a country girl used to the outdoors. Who can say for sure?
The witch idea is far more interesting to me — that she was practicing the Old Ways that had taken on a mask of Christianity. Dressing as the opposite sew was part of that which was why they kept insisting she stop wearing men’s clothes. The film by Dryer was taken from transcripts of her actual trial and it is a big issue.
July 8th, 2009 at 3:53 am
ok i agree for the witch , i haven t read her work, but i didn t mean lesbian in the sexual sense, but spiritually. i am sorry my english is not good, and sometimes concepts i have in my head i don t put the right word on or sometimes i don t like words to be restricted by definitions.i just noticed something that didn t want to come together. maybe it is my imagination , but i think they definitely had something together, a common purpose, like two triangles whose tip touch, but that don t superpose.i just put you a poem by a band that your post makes me think of. bye
“Be my kin free fro varnal sin,
Bridle the thoughts of thy Master.”
“There hath past away a glore fro the Earth;
A glore that in the hearts and minds of men,
Men dement̩d Рblindfold̩d by light,
Hourisheth as weed in their well-groom’d garths.”
“Might I too was blindfoldéd ere,
“The quality of mercy and absolution,
Tho’ years have master’d me
Whence cometh such qualities?
A masque of this to fashion:
Build thyself a mirror in which
Seer blest, thou best philosopher!”
Solely wanton images of thy desire appear!”
“‘Tis the Divine Comedy –
“‘Tis the Divine Tragedy -
The fool and the mocking court;
The fool and the mocking court;
Fool, kneel now, and ring thy bells!
Fool, kneel now, and ring thy bells!
We hold the Earth fro Heaven away.”
Make us guffaw at thy futile follies,
Yet for our blunders – Oh, in shame;
Earth beareth no balm for mistakes -
We hold the Earth fro Hell away.”
“Believe? In a deily long dead? -
I would rather be a pagan suckléd in creeds outworn;
Whith faärtytales fill’d up in head;
Thoughts of the Book stillborn.”
“Shadow of annoyance -
Ne’er come hither!
…And when He falleth, He falleth like Lucifer,
Ne’er to ascend again…”
[ Dialog from "And when He Falleth" ]
[Male Voice]
That cross you wear around your neck;
is it only a decoration, or are you a
true Christian believer?
[Female Voice]
Yes, I believe – truly
Then I want you to remove it at once!
- and never to wear it within this castle
again! Do you know how a falcon is trained my
dear? Her eyes are sown shut. Blinded temporarily
she suffers the whims of her God patiently, until
her will is submerged and she learns to serve -
as your God taught and blinded you with
crosses.
You had me take off my cross because it
offended….
It offended no-one. No – it simply appears
to me to be discourteous to… to wear
the symbol of a deity long dead.
My ancestors tried to find it. And to open
the door that seperates us from our Creator.
But you need no doors to find God.
If you believe….
Believe?! If you believe you are gullible.
Can you look around this world and believe
in the goodness of a god who rules it?
Famine, Pestilence, War, Disease and Death!
They rule this world.
There is also love and life and hope.
Very little hope I assure you. No. If a god
of love and life ever did exist… he is long
since dead. Someone… something rules in his
place.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:12 am
i just got interested in their relationship in a shakespearean way somehow, also it was a long time ago so i probably got it out too fast. i guess my ego just got mixed up in it. you re most certainly better versed in those things than i am and i agree with what you say, i probably couldn t express it and it makes me realise that my knowledge is actually very limited.thanks
July 8th, 2009 at 4:29 am
it is interesting what you say about your vampire novel, cause they hold loads of vampire parties in the catacombs>
July 8th, 2009 at 8:21 am
That is a freakin’ hilarious story! I love it!
Izile’s last blog post..Potential
July 8th, 2009 at 8:53 am
i actually just read the trials of gilles de rais by georges bataille which is a retranscription of his trial but that was long time ago.in school , that is all you learn about jeanne d arc, that she was a suspected witch, that she communed with the spirits in the forest, but that is something that caught up with her after the liberation of Verdun, it was i think with Gilles. i really got interested in her relationship with him, cause it was in the dark. Gilles really got into this dark stuff after the wars cause he had nothing else to do anymore, as he had been educated as a warlord, and all of a sudden he is involved into magical rituals involving children. but their lives really seem to touch without blending.i also find it hard with books, cause as you say who knows for sure.History is a little bit like Darwinism.Herstory would be more interesting.i don t know if it is right but when i used to read i never got interested in what was written, only in the underlying current, and sometimes you see that things don t fit cause you can t actually go from winter to summer just like that.there are patterns to give birth to one another that cannot be changed.also i didn t read on jeanne really cause i feel, that when you look at her she just takes your shape. she is too mysterious for me, but i definitely believe she was guided by something higher and probably is a virgin in that respect. Gilles looks more like caught by his own self, verging on a certain primal madness, as if in a purification process, through fire.Jeanne looks more like she had been burned instead of those who burne d her. it s like a mirror unfulfilled.She knew, and her purification through fire came as such as well. He was unbound, she was blocked>But their relationship seems to be one of mutual understanding for a short period but enough to lead them both to the fire.And unfortunately, i don tremember where i got this idea if i read it somewhere, but i know that Gilles was deeply affected by her arrest, that he didn t show up for the trial, and that from there on his war tendencies, and the cause he was fighting for got lost for him.It is hard to listen to what people have to say when everything is fixed like in a trial, cause there is no harmony, it is just about hammering, but Jeanne and Gilles had something in common like the Beauty and the Beast did. But unfortunately for me their relationship is Shakesperean, i don t know why, or i see it like that in a n attempt to bring things together, evnthough they are probably a reflection of personnal issues. i have read only a few Shakespeare pieces, my favorite being Twelfth Night, and that is really what it makes me think of. i guess it all is just good fun.These energies seem to be there before and after, as if the old Gods were preparing a comeback.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:04 am
And as to her sexuality, i suppose you re right that it hasn t been decided at 19 years old, but that it was influenced by being surrounded by women, that it was dormant, and that her life is part of an inner marriage on a larger scale.What i call her lesbianism is probably just an over protection of the feminine in a prison, that had to be pierced by a sword as a counteraction, like the need to come out in the open but with protection. it is more like an innocent lesbianism, where the interaction of opposite forces hasn t yet been assimilited, which is the path of the inner marriage. so the sun and the moon just meet as mirrors, reflecting each other for a short time, so that they can go their own way again to deal with what they have seen.And this is i think the core of the situation, their trials is probably just a wrap just as the world they lived in.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:14 am
Funnily i think religion should be something that sends you back to yourself, people can have their own house, that being their own church with theuir own songs to sing and own stories to share.we are in an unharmonious society, where our neighbours are physical and not spiritual, hence going the path outside ourselves sometimes, to be where we have to be at the right time, which is part of finding our own selves. so eventhough the church leads us away from our own selves, it will inevitably bring about our freedom. unfortunately individual ideas are seperated from the collectivity, at the moment.because collectivity and individuality are still engaged in a fight.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:35 am
iprobably makes me think of too many things, but when the old gods are back, meaning when the sun and the moon are one, they are going to be in an egg or sphere that nothing can seperate, what is extra terrestrial will ground itself and the earth will find fulfillment again and things will grow.
July 8th, 2009 at 10:07 am
it is also interesting that Jeanne could definitely in another frame have become a witch, or practicing high priestess, but something happened, something emerged that needed purification through fire. whatever happened to her she had it in her. And i feel it is the same for gilles, he was so successful in war he got castles lands, titles, and was on the way of being the next to the throne, but everything collapsed and he ended up on the pyre crying praying.France is a special country, cause when you join the tips it makes a pentagram. people instead of calling it france call it the Hexagon.people say french are chauvinists. so i hope i don t appear like that, cause i don t believe in nationalities anyway.
July 8th, 2009 at 10:09 am
But to me this story echoes too many things about a royal court that has been dismantled long time ago.
July 8th, 2009 at 10:13 am
also i want to say about religion that it dictates so much certain behaviors, that after a time get so submerged in ancestry, that even people who got no religious life or pressures , still live according to it, cause certwin mental patterns are religious, but you re not aware of it.
July 8th, 2009 at 10:34 am
your first house is the womb, then you live in a cave, then you see that the mountainsthe trees support the sky, then you ivent the word column, cause it looks like a tree but it is made of mountain, and you think i can copy nature too.some forest have clearings because they are places to congregate, easy. some towns have clearings, that are artificial, because to build a clearing, i have to obstruct the clearing that was there before in its natural place. complicated.so the natural church that you find in the forest or in your heart, becomes a church of power, where the sky becomes a ceiling, with some sort of constellations that were not there before easy.so in the forest i don t really care about god, because i want to have fun, but in the church i am scaredd of god cause if i don t obey the ceiling is going to fall on my face, which is not susceptible to happen to me if i am in the forest, unless i got a big hole in my aura, plus the earth s aura too which sees me susceptible to asteroids attacks. in the end nature or the womb is where everything comes from, then god is just a desperate attempt to copy clone nature.Just as a tree can be a teacher, men tries to teach his fellow inmates in an attempt to grasp the power of nature.Which basically means if you re a teacher it is good to be a little bit hairy cause it helps.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
so in the end i dont know if they were sacrificed gods, cause i don t know what this concept means, or maybe i know but i just don t say it in the same way.the word sacrifice bothers me as to me sacrifice doesn t exist, you only sacrifice whhat you don t need anymore, and even then what is sacrifice is comprehended in what you become so there s no real sacrifice. you can t really sacrifice what you are only what you re not anymore. then sacrificing yourself for the land is your nature so it is not really a sacrifice. now if some people descend to lower planes to gain knowledge to elevate certain vibrations or to make things grow again then you can t really do that if it is not you. so somehow in my head sacrifice means to make something sacred, so it involves alchemy and transformation. so it is just like an autumn leave that falls goes back to the earth and grows in a different shape. so my knowledge is very limited in that area, but maybe i ll come to that.so just for fun, Arc of Jeanne d Arc means Arch or Womb, and Gilles de Rais, originally Rays means in old french a single sunshine.But i ll think about the sacrificed gods theme.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
“so somehow in my head sacrifice means to make something sacred, so it involves alchemy and transformation. so it is just like an autumn leave that falls goes back to the earth and grows in a different shape.”
That is the meaning of sacrifice: to make sacred.
My understanding is that a sacrifice is the willing surrender of something precious to you for the higher good. Your own life for the sake of your country, for example. The voluntary giving up of something you want and need is what makes it sacred. So the Sacred King in the Dark Ages was thought to be willing to give his life for the sake of the kingdom, whether by war or the fertility of the fields, so that the rest of the people would not have to die or be starved to death.
We have lost all concept of this nobility of spirit especially as we know now that war is just for oil or profit and even a warrior’s life is o longer sacred, but just a commodity to be traded for money.
July 9th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
yes i guess this is what i had in my head somehow. it is just that i actually don t agree with this definition of sacrifice, that you leave something precious to you for the higher good. i just think that leaving something precious is not possible cause it works in a cycle like the seasons. so basically you don treally leave anything. the energy that makes leave that which is so called prescious to you is even more precious than what you leave. otherwise you wouldn t leave it. so then what you left you come back to it but it becomes enriched by your so called sacrifice, it s in you that is how you see it you can t fight it it is for you a natural cycle. it s the rule of the fallow land . otherwise we d be in winter all year long.if you re a king this is how you see things it s natural otherwise kings don t exist. i agree that it doesn t exist today.today kings are about crowns money material, then everybody has a crown but forgot it, whether for a country, or for those who are into families, or even the wolf for his wolf pack. certain words just bother me because they cut the flow, so i like to make them whole. but then i d probably more agree to the idea of sacrifice for a whole planet than for a country.then everybody his own level, i respect that.fighting for a country is asking for emprisonemet, cause the country is already seperate from the rest of the planet, thren obviously i contradict myself, by saying planet cause i seperate it from space.there s no point in fighting another country. this reminds as well of the tearing into piece of Osiris. Dividing the planet into countries that fight each other keep them seperate that s the irony. I like Indians for that one thing, where they didn t seperate the Earth.But unfortunately, they got seperated by the white man cause they themselves as descendants of old civilisations, already where seperate of their own spiritual roots in kind of way. On the other side you ve got egyptians who are completly a mind civilisation, and who seperate everything wwith an eye.so ok fight for a country, but cretainly not by killing people but transforming them . that is why sacrifice goes hand in hand with what you were and what you become. i just didn t lke this illusion of seperation. jeanne d arc obviously was a sacrificed god on a certain level. but if ypu get caught by the english put in a prison, then liberated and then burned by the french, it means she was in prison already before, she i hope made those who judged her realise they were in a prison too. then wheen she got burned , she got attached to a spine of wood, she got burned from the sexual so called chakra, so that her spirit gets purified an elevates to the sky or the crown. btu it happened outside and inside her, and for those who were there she showed them even if they didn t notice their true face. so yes , but i think i can be better than that.it is like the Wicker man. The guy is a policeman. Police doesn t exist as such.Police is against nature.Mother nature is a child, he goes after that child, cause he goes after himself, he ends up burned ouside. if so above so below, then it is safe to say so outside as inside.then interesting thing was to erase the seperation between death and rebirth.Words are just the result of seperation. today words evolve horizontally, not vertically, it is the illusion of modernity, overabundance of light, and false evolution. but also i respect that cause it is the way. whether you go east west north south, they all got the capacity of death and rebirth. the form changes.you dont really sacrifice anything until it is done, otherwise you block it and the word has no possibility coming out of the womb.the word sacrifice has been invented after the first was done in innocence. then it got reversed and people talk about sacrifice, but it is greed as you say for profit.so interestingly sacrifice only exist s because it has been forgotten otherwise it would be integrasted into the whole again. this is the time for this era.seperation to make whole again. sometimes words work as containers until it is time to open it. i just don t like to restrict myself to a word nor do i believe in any definitions of the dictionnary. i guess we all have our own meanings for that. so i agree with you. now if my meaning was so precious why not sacrifice it for yours?it wil l probably happen as everything is a cycle, so i can be the sacrificed king of words.personnal gain is an illusion it works hand in hand.profit for oil has nothing to do with the spirit it s one sided. so yes i can change my meaning of sacrifice when when the time comes which is a sacrifice in itself. Nature is a sacrificed god. some words just refer to lower planes cause that is where they are born.so that is what i meant maybe i know maybe not, i don t like to keep conscious and unconscious seperated that is all.for some people a river creates banks for other they unify them , and for some there is just innocence and the flowing from the four cardinal corners to the center.i admit i have a problem with words, cause this plane is really limited they so much better ones that waiit to be invented lying under a cover of snow.Seperation is painful, so you always go higher. the pyramid represents that way. it needs to be grounded, but not in the heart of the desert.Seth cut Osiris up cause he s been given the desert, cause he s been seperated from his body.he is just trying to make things whole again, round and cyclic.everybody is a sacrificed god or can become one.but you csan t just be a sacrificed god horizontally solely.it has to happen vertically so that it appears on the horizon. so i like jeane d arc don t get me wrong but there is sacrificed god and sacrificed god, and i don t think she really made it vertically. but then that is why you kind of keep on charging ahead. Jwanne is only the tip of the ivceberg. being a witch hearing voices is not enough. a witch is all the witches together, all types integrated into a whole called earth, just as a sacrificed od is everybody together.because the earth is round, whole . so prescious means nothing it is relative, otherwise summer wouldn t let go of its leaves. it is natural sequence of life.you just talk about seperated things. all words put together vform one word or one vibration, one musical note.you don t go from winter spring, it is flowing and gentle, whereas certain words cut cause nature has been forgotten. besides sacrifice has a metallic sound and creates the grinding of teeth. sacrifice is not forcd upon you it is gentle, and natural, it is like forgetting the difference between man and woman. so i recognize i might be complicated and hope i don t look like i am fighting you. i don t really see myself sacrificing(argh!) my meaning for yours cause i don t really possess it or find it precious, just like the Lord ofthe Rings, cause the ring is a cycle reborn in the womb of fire, which is a kind of sacrificed god act, i just prefer to let it go, cause amidst all this the sacrificed god doesn rt know he is one, the others give him that name cause they ve got egos. words should be creative not ego based, if we could only listen to each other with our inner ears, we wouldn t need dictionaries, but who would want to sacrifice that. sacrifice is inevitable, nobody wants it it just happens.of couse maybe it is in my head, and i am not saying i m wrong, but that is my pssibility of sacrifice. if there was somebody, which will happen, who sacrificed himself for the higher good of this planet it wouldn t be with a sword, cause it seperates, it would be with a heart cause that is where nature resides, and it would also mean that humanity itself in its own heart is tired of going in circles so it would just let go, no need for a sword.
July 9th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
so i understand that the heart and the sword go together, but i just don t see it as a fight but as an uprising
July 9th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
then i understand what you say but i don t have as much knowledge as you do in this area.
July 9th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
but tjust as everybody could get in touch with its own sacrificed god, myself dont hold anything for precious, cause precious is an obstacle, i personally dont hold any of societies values at heart, but i understand that some people live in times of winter and that they see what is under the snow, and that it their nature to bring about spring. but this only happens when all human combinations of a certain period have been spent, cause they transform into ice at one point until the spirit in charge melts it, which home of norwegian mythology. they re all good, they all have theur own time, that is also why all north countries are kind of on a dormant level, and much more peaceful than the rest of the world.Just like the post of your magical timeline the planet has its own that is why it turns or so i understand, that is the real clock, it doesn t stop, it s not a 9 to 5 routine, or the illusion of controlling time. maybe it s better not to see ourselves as precious at all, so that the renewal is constant, and so that the planet doesn t get deviated from its axis.i suppose the hands of the clock is each of us holding hands with our opposite, or better partner, the sky and the stars for the small hand and the planet turning within that space for big hand.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
time doesn t stop because the clock stops. and just like for all the things they sell, so i know unfortunately i got a computer but it is just hanging in between. where is the precious in that?the clock, or the sun and the moon?they just sell things that already exist in the natural state. it is useless. i am even burdened by having to dress everyday.but if you don t dress all people see is that you re naked. they can t forget that. that is why i remember my mother walking naked around in the garden just in her natural state, her spirit naked and free beyond all tehphysical.and then the more you dres the more you forget that, the nature. dress in attitudes, robes, language, behaviours all that. so interestingly, in summer leaves don t really dress trees they shine like the spirit, they are actually naked, more than if they didn t have leaves. so autumn comes fiery, then ice they mix together and create a bud. so maybe if humanity needs to dress like they were in winter everyday and do wars, it s probably because something is happening, and because they think they got control they don t see, so also all the seasons are messed up which is according to me something natural, but then that is what they do they sell things that are free originally at the source.the world is born in chaos.cause what goes up or too much outside the earth comes down and this were i greet Babalon melon probably. then my own seasons are messed up so i might just be in an illusion. so if too many souls are outside floating in space, there is a counter reaction.well it good fun.Wicca thinks nature is so precious, but nature doesn t evebn think itself as precious, but they are still closer to those concepts than most currents.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
by making nature a precious thing you probably just destroy it, you probably have to look at it with naked eyes if you can bear to see yourself naked as well, which is not the case of many people, but you seem to know those things even under a winterspell.even the word naked is wrong , the real communion starts when everything is forgotten and all the memories disappear.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
yesterday was big rain so all the snails got out, whole families, so obviously the more you think about not walking on them the more you do it. unfortunately, a split second i thought about it, and walked on one.i was really gutted and still feel bad about it, not for the snail alittle bit but for the seperation. it is funny how nature gets destroyed because you first lose touc with your own. i don t really believe in the worship of nature, but i believe in its cycles. the snail lived fortunately, had lost its house and i had lost my own.
it really makes me think about Wicca again where they do rituals, where they let the godess inside their body. it makes me think of people shooting heroin, so obviously there is a price to pay, but there wouldn t be any if one wasn t seperated, cause the godess is there and doesn t need to be invoked really unless something in your heart blocks her from appearing.you can t really burn the bridges, only heal the rift.so in the endthe bridge disappears.but i definitely respect that cause that is the cycle.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
so in the end knowledge is interesting cause you need it to go home, unlike science who creates labyrinth, and who superpose it, knowledge just goes away when you re home, and then you don t need to know anything. i don t remember much of that name jotunheim in norwegian mythology, but everything that becomes conscious dies, but there everything seems to be blocked science is everywhere, losing yourself at the expense of your own nature digging your own grave when actually you re already underground, thinking you control nature but becoming its dog because you think you re god.a rewal god doesn t even know wht the word god means.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
and he would t want to be worshipped causehe d die but if he does it means he is already dead.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
to be reborn when such practices disappear, so thank you to all those people who save nature by creating zoos, and all they think about or create is movies where the machines turn against humans. but i guess you have to go that far out to understand.obviously i don t thank them, i seriously wish that this stops. so i might look like an egoist because i am not doing anything against it but then nature has a plan, funnily here resurfaces in a cage the sacrificed god, an animal forced to abandon what is precious to him to live in cage, cause man needs to possess him.Poor rhino.what is precious to you let go that makes it s value, cause you leave to create more value to enrich your spirit and that enriches others whether you want it or not it is unconscious.what is conscious is useless, it is the sun, it dies, only the moon and the night bredds life, the sun is too material, which is why gold is so precious for people, money is made mainly during the day, your spirit which a sun too works better in the night, in the unconscious.i love the night cause you can shine and be a star, during the day you always have to be unconscious everybody is so unbalanced.so you can understand why lots of sex trades happen in the night, it is like evrything that happens inside you during the day but you don t see it
July 9th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
so in the end i dont want to look like i hate this world cause i guess that this part of the deal, everybody is underground, zombie movies abound, it is just part of the cycle, it is not going to last forever, people go in history they heal the forgotten or the unknown or fears, when everybody starts to stop worrying about hitler then the world can turn again spiritually speaking.when all memories are dissolved then there is nothing like the now.when their precious history is resolved, me involved, then everything can grow again, maybe there s not going to be a need to plant trees, and even they are again going to look majestuous like before when they where big and all looked different.it is i guess not a coincidence, that all peoples bodies have to look the same and that nature looks less and less rich cause it is seriously dying, just like people nature, that s why people in the country side have faces with history and life and with so much character. it is misinterpreted as ugly and in need of a lifting or cutting, but that is the true beauty.And when you look at faces from way back in the past, these kind of faces you don t see around anymore thanks to brainwashing, clogging the heart.so probably monsters are misunderstood and some otherworld creatures are seen as evil, cause they generate fear when they look at you and they talk to what is primal in everyone. everything looks the same today ides, brains life, everybody says the same thing cause everybody lives the same life and has the same house. and if you don t want to look the same you still look the same.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
i wasn t talking to anyone in particular.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
and because we can all be sacrificed gods if i was looking at myself and around me there is nothiung i hold precious, whether it is ideas or materially speaking, maybe i still do but it is unconscious which is not an excuse i agree. even the sacrif god has to forget he is one and not be precious to himself, judgements ironically make him precious and mirrors too.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
so i know i said looking at myself, but that was to say there was nothing to look at
July 9th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
so even if the sacrificed god holds onto his freedom and postive loneliness because they have become precious to him as a result losing his value, cause that is how precious is born he has to let go of it to be, eventhough it is not funny at all. not even for the peacock.that is why there are not many sacrificed gods around, not even me.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
i wonder if Osiris is spending a long time down there with Isis being half herself, and actually him too , if he can come back on his own. i met that guy who was really”thothesque” and he lauched the idea to see what would happen if he could put Isis against Nephtys.that was really too much, but then it is the same for Osiris And Seth.you can t really steal a spirit you can only seperate it, that s all. she s like some sort of a moon goddess, so she s just creating illusion.but you wonder why one half of the pyramid is above ground and why the other half is underground. she s like a gypsie.so then you wonder why egypt is still influencing so much the whole world with two obelisk on each side of the planet.spiritually i guess the end of atlantis, the seven seas or seven eyes, is the beginning of isis parisis and all that, but that is just pure speculation for fun.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
then the maya sacrificed on top of their pyramids while the egyptians regenerated on top of theirs. but maya had open top pyramids.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
but then i wonder if this quality is not only dormant, when the sword has been thrown in the lake, it is not like it is forever gone, people like that are going to need a master drill for their own hearts. now the wrong idea of the sacrificed god is really jesus, and that is probably what they are up to.the end of kings and the birth of governments.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
no not the end of kings even before the end of gods
July 9th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
and as to the soldiers valkyries must be pretty sad at the state of affairs
July 9th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
and also that makes me think tat if the sacrificed god was letting those people die or starve to death it would not spare him either, so it is really like a natural thing, you can t really run away fromthat unfortunately unless you are [prepared to suffer the consequences, and even if you close your eyes to that suffering is not eternaleven spring has a winter. then you ve got people who know you re going to sacrifice yourself for and they take it for granted, so it is all very nice, but they are as many kingdoms as people, so mirabelle is not going to marry for money or material riches like land as her father wants.the daughter of the king of swords is called medusa, and it is not for nothing. i wanted to marry her when i saw her in the clash of the titans, perseus could have sacrificed himself, he didn t cause he had a broken heart . he saved the country but his kingdom remained adrift.then a real sacrifice is innocent.some people walk the earth with values that remain buried all their life cause there is no opening.clearly people living in society don t live on this planet otherwise they wouldn t transform it into a dump.and you can t do twice the same thing unless you go back to the beginning or you switch. the earth is a broken soul cause it is divided, osiris is a broken soulcause he s been cut up, but that is just a way to hide the whole.i d obviously prefer to sacrifice myself for higher good instead of living something that is not precious, it s all good nice people are one sided, but people just don t live there.be it one or the many, it s the same evn if in the end you get hurt you know that the ones that hurt you won t last.they want you to sacrifice your life to work for them an dmake their empiregrow, i understand that it is the common evil.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:19 am
so i wonder if the sacrificed god is not only about sacrificing the ego, and then all the rest follows.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:26 am
oh yee one eyed old man, you who see it all
You who see the past and all to be
Say,yee one eyed old man.For I need to know
Tell me which path fate has chosen for me
Say does the Northstar still shine on me
Say will I set my loved ones free
O yee one eyed old man.Of yee our elders told
You have been since land and sky was one
And if you really knows all that will be,tell me
What the future wants with this young no one`s son
Say does the Northstar still shine on me
What fo you see in store for mee…….
“Questions,questions.Many you ask
About the future and some of the past.
Few hav seen what I see,fewer still will ever know.
I gave an eye to see a better
And you thirst fo knowlenge grows.
But you,my chld,who treads the road of pain.
Who have felt such anger.Such that bears no name.
Thee shall I nurse as if you were my own son.
And this very night your training will already have begun.
For I have seen you come for a thousand years or so.
And the gods have told me to teach you all that
I possess and know.
And hough me eye no longer sees
My hand held out in front of me,
I sill gaze crystal clear at all
That moral man cannot see.
And I see you riding up on a stallion as white as snow
Which the speed of the winds and endurance unold
And you weild a sword of steel forget in fire an ice.
And the cry of a warrior you sound
And victory is in our eyes.
Hear me my son,for you are the chosen one…”
July 10th, 2009 at 2:27 am
it s obviously not mine
July 10th, 2009 at 4:40 am
but i really think that this concept is an interesting, i hope i didn t look like i was imposing or anything, i am probably less knowledgeable in that area than you, so it wouldn t surprise me if i am wrong.there might actually be a level where it is worth it to do it, but you have to be really courageous which i am not. i wonder if i have had such actions, in a small percentage maybe, but all that comes out is that you get used and then when yo re not needed anymore yo re killed off.everything contains a risk, obviously. then you get resurrected after their own egos, some people just nderstand what you are until you re gone. at least if you re sacrificed god, you don t want popularity, like all false celebrities.so funnily enough today i went to sign on i asked if i could stop getting the dole because it a burden, the thing is that i lose my room, so it is interesting cause life isn t precious after all if you don t die or sacrifice it.but the person who spots you like that got its eyes on treasure.these are also things that are better to start young cause you need many years of experience.you probably seem to have that spirit. there no point really in living as long as possibleor no t get burned , by accepting death i gess you re eternal and young forever. you d end up making cars with water, instead of drilling for oil, oil which is actually needed to keep the body nourished.that is why it is interesting to be a fool.anyway i m just talking, so maybe if people including me cold sacrifice talks and big meetings for action, that too could be a nice sacrifice.but i guess everybody is afraid,of the unknown.and you need to have a meaning and a motivation yo re not conscious of. i am sorry if my ego took too much room in this columnade of comments, i probably do what everybody does.but thanks for that post that was really interesting.i hope you inspire people to rise to the challenge as you seem to be quite a leader in that matter.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:52 am
THE WOODWOMAN BY QUORTON
Resting by my fire.Looking deep into it’s flames
My mind must have been somewhere else
Far beyond these plains
I am suddenly aware of a pair
Of eyes staring at me
I urn around and behold the most
Ugly thing I have seen
The woman standing in the glade
Like a shadow in the night
Points her wretched finger at me
With a wretched smile
And she asks me in a voice
That sound as if it`s been so long
Since she spoke,if I seek magic
Then I should come along
I`m but a man.Mortal a man.
But she leaves no footprins in the snow
Still I follow on to where she is going
For she has promised me magic if I follow on
She takes me to a part of these woods
Few have ever seen
Where the sun surely won`t reach
Still the ground ominously gleams
She says she`s seen is coming
And tha she known where I`ll go
But before I leave,she says
There is this one thing I should know
She offers me the ability
To take a fatal wound
Every cu by sword or spear will be
Absorded by her tree-womb
This magic will remain until it`s
Time for me to part with this mortal world
And all she`ll claim is my young heart
I`m but a man.Mortal a man.
And I`ll need all the help tha I can get
So I give my heart to the woman of the dark
With or without it… my life is not over yet
Wing of bat and lizzard eye
Dust of a star fallen from the sky
Tears of a virgin and the cum of a god
Thirteen drops of an infant`s blood
A twist of a cat`s spit and oil of the moon
Stir for a while a very soon
A salve to be applied upon the chest
Close to where the heart beats strong
“No pains will occur when hand is pushed into my flesh
She`ll slowly draw my living heart out of my open chest
She`ll place my heart in the pit of the snake and behold the years go by
Hers to keep from the moment when the time has come for me to die”
July 14th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Your experience sounds very similar to mine. Raised in a seriously Catholic family, I began to notice all the strikingly illogical contradictions of the dogma in my teens. When Vatican II came along I missed the ritual, frankincense, and Gregorian chants. It felt like the soul was taken out of the Mass. I actually tried to get into it until my late teens, but meanwhile I was reading about Hindu, Buddhist, Sufi, Taoist, New Age, and Pagan ideas. I was fascinated by astrology, tarot, herbology, reincarnation, fairy tales, myths, and Arthurian legends. I even started having spontaneous past-life memories. Obviously I had pagan leanings even then, but I was also dismayed at all the superficial ritual and complex hierarchies that I found in modern pagan groups.
The real essence of pagan spirituality seemed to be hidden then, but over time it has unfolded into a fabulous tapestry that spans the otherworlds, with roots deep in the ancient past. The older I get, the more it feels like home!
I have to thank the Catholic Church for giving me a sense of ritual at an early age, but (among other things) I could not possibly align myself with an organization that burned thousands of people, and does not give women equal stature.
The cool thing is that we haven’t lost any of the valuable things the Church claimed to offer exclusively. We still have the virgin mother Isis-Virgo-Danaan, and the resurrected son Mithras-Lleu-Osiris. We still have angels, and we have faeries too. We still have the heavens and the underworld, but our underworld is not a hell of suffering and damnation. It is a place of wonder, healing and deep spiritual connection. We still have the ritual of bread and wine. In fact we had it before the Church ever existed. We still have the afterlife. And we still have access to the divine. We can even have Christ consciousness, which is not necessarily embodied in a human personality.
As for the pillars representing trees. Have you ever been to Roslyn Chapel? Those pillars definitely look like trees!
July 14th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Hi!
Wow we do have a lot in common. I shouldn’t call it Paganism when I mean Witchcraft, but my deep conditioning causes me to shy away for such direct language in this context. Cowardly of me!
I went to Rosslyn in 1997. It is like a jewel box. Nit only are the pillars like trees, but there are stars on the ceiling.
All the Gothic cathedrals are built to look like forests. Notre Dame in Paris has very obvious tree columns and the groined ceilings are like branches. I studied Medieval Art quite a bit including architecture and I had a comment on this post — much higher up in the queu, that makes me want to write a post about it.
Glad you enjoyed it!
September 16th, 2009 at 6:00 am
Arlene you are a very brave personage
December 31st, 2010 at 6:25 am
Cheerful Christmas. Let all your desires might occur real for you along with your family in addition to lets hope your next season be profitable for all us all. Merry Christmas